Real Life

I promised I would be real with this blog so here it is.

Social media is an interesting platform. It reminds me a lot of my journals growing up, the entries were either about super cool things that were going on or the really bad and not much in between. I often hope that no one will ever read my journals because they will likely think I was psychotic or bipolar. There seems to be a standard on social media that you only share all the amazing, cool, adventurous, and fun things that are happening in life. I really appreciate people who share the real, raw, tough, hard truths of life, like Al Fox Carraway, I relate to them much more than those who only share the amazing. 

I love the holiday season, the spirit of love, joy, and hope, all the good food, gatherings and connections are incredible, for the most part. But as a single, divorced, older person, without children of my own, and no attachments, the holidays, (that are often focused around friends and family), can be rough no matter where you live.  Honestly, I do hate to take the tree down but I am also very relieved and grateful when the holiday events are over. It often feels like I hold my breath through the whole season. Hoping no one will invite me to a party for couples, ask me questions I do not want to answer, that there won't be any hard things, arguments, or family drama. In many ways this year wasn't much different from previous holidays in the fact that I am single and the holidays can be lonely no matter where you live.  The holidays are focused around family and family comes in lots of shapes and sizes and I am not the only person who feels disconnected during the holidays for whatever reason. I have several friends in similar situations, I get you and I love you!

Living across the pond did not make the holidays any worse or better (except that I LIVE IN LONDON!!). What I missed most was getting hugs from my family, especially the littles, getting together and laughing as a family and the abundance of good food, and the therapy that I find in baking.

School breaks always come at appropriate times but this break was too long. Needless to say, the last few weeks have been a bit tough, I do better when I have a bit of a schedule, not totally scheduled days but a few specific things to get me out of bed is helpful. I had high hopes of getting ahead on some school work over the break but that did not go quite as planned. I may or may not have binge watched too many Christmas movies. Plus, my favorite show, Relative Race, is now available here in the UK so I had to watch season 10, which I have missed! 

When tough times come, and they will, those close to us don't like to see us suffer or struggle so their first reactions (and I do the same thing) are often to try and fix things or to say, look for the positive, things will get better, it will be okay, etc., and that is all great and true. But when I get to the point where I want to share or talk about things I am experiencing, hearing those things are the last thing I want or need. Mostly, I need to be heard and feel that I have a safe place for sharing my feelings and thoughts without being judged or pitied. When that does not happen I keep it all inside. It is so much easier to share the good! Not sharing the tough stuff is why it may appear that all is well and that some people seem to live charmed lives. 

Living in England is a "dream" and one that I always hoped would happen but wasn't sure how and if it would become a reality. Here I am and it is cool and I feel completely at home. Like any "dream" there can be pops of, humor, unicorns and butterflies, surprises, fears, inspiration, weirdness, the unexplained, and of course reality. One element may show up briefly, one day, or they can be recurring, or they could all show up the same day. 

As I was writing this, I kept thinking of this quote which seems to sum up my feelings regarding the past few weeks in particular but it really does cover life in general, don't you think?